When You Think Your Days Are Getting More Tolerable You Get A Reminder Of All The Horror Of Months Past. Days Are Suppose To Get Better As Time Marches On. Wrong!
Today I Am Searching The Internet For Memory Poems, So I Can Submit One For Bobby In The Commercial News For Memorial Day. Today Billie Seen Me Cry For The First Time In Months. I Have Tried To Be Her Rock. Even Though I Found It Comforting, She Was There For Me. I Worry About My Mental Health.
Recently I Have Very Little Desire Or Motivation For Anything. This Is Not Normal For Me Because I Consider Myself To Be Committed In What I Do With The Foundation.
Tomorrow Awaits My Signature For The Final Stage On Bobby's Headstone. We Were Hoping The Stone Would Be Placed Before Memorial Day. Due To Delays Beyond Our Control It Won't Happen. That's A Disappointment, But On The Other Hand It's Important We Get It Right. We Tried To Involve Everyone In This Project That Loved Bobby. When The Stone Is Complete It Will Be A Wonderful Memorial For Him. It Seems All These Different Stages Takes A Toll On The Nerves. It Came On Me All Of A Sudden Without Warning. This Time I Had To Lean On Billie. I Suppose That's A Good Thing. Maybe She Thought Either She Was Still Too Fragile And I Too Cold Hearted. Maybe It Is A Good Thing For Both Of Us To Be There For Each Other. Now That She Has Seen Me Just As Fragile As Her, We Both Know We Still Have Alot Of Healing Left In Us. Maybe Her Seeing Me Having My Moment Of Weakness Will Allow Us To Lean More On One Another From Here On Out. I Think That Is A Good Thing.
I Think Trying To Choose The Perfect Poem And Seeing The Draft For The Headstone Was Rather Overwhelming For Me Today. It Stirred Up Alot Of Emotion For Me. One Moment I Think I Am Getting Stronger, Then Before You Know It My Weakness Becomes Obvious.
Well I Must Remind Myself Of What I Said Shortly After We Heard Of Bobby's Death. We Can Only Take One Day At A Time. Every Day Is Different.
I Mentioned Stages. I Still Hurt Deeply. I Have Entered Into Anger. I Am Mad At Bobby For What He Did. I'm Mad I Lost My Wonderful Son. I Am Mad It Has Changed My Life Forever More. I'm Sure I Will Vent More When I Get Angrier. In The Meantime I Consider Myself To Be Normal In The Grieving Process.
Oh, One Word Of Advice From Somebody Who Knows. If You Love Some One Enough, Keep Checking Up On Them Periodically. People Pay Their Respects To The Grieving Family. There Are Hardly Any Follow Up To See How They Are Coping. It's Not Easy Losing A Son. I Thought He Would Be Around To Mourn My Death.
You Know, Sometimes I Feel Life Is A Bitch. Then You Die. I know, It's The Depression Talking. I Could Say Worse Things, But If I Did I Would Lose Some Faithful Readers. I Will Save Those Worse Comments And Use Them To A Person Who Truly Understands.
So It Didn't Rain Friday. The Weatherman Convinced Me We Would Have Afternoon Thunderstorms. It Takes Me 2 Hours To Set Up And 2 1/2 Hours To Close Under Dry Conditions. I'm A Rummage Man. It's Not My Job To Know When Or Where It Will Rain. I Don't Get Paid 60,000.00 A Year To Tell You It Rained Yesterday. Must Be Nice.
Of Course The Photo Above Is Not The Headstone. Once It's Complete I Will Post It. It Will Be Beautiful!
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