Flowers For Bobby

One Year Ago Today We Were Going About Our Business Like It Was Any Ordinary Day. It Was, And That Just Goes Without Saying You Never Know What Tomorrow Holds. Not Once Did It Enter My Mind I Would Be Visiting My Son's Grave A Year Later.
Death Before Your Time Always Happened In Other Families. I Suppose We Need A Reminder Now And Then As To Who Is In Charge.
As You Can Tell By The Photo Above, Bobby's Headstone Was Put Into Place In Time For Memorial Day. There Were Some Delays In This Project And It Appeared It Would Not Be Finished By The Holiday. Adams Memorial Did A Wonderful Job On Bobby's Headstone. Their Technology In Design Allows Bobby's Photo As Well As His Children To Be On The Stone. It's Beautiful!
I Was Told After This Photo Was Taken More Flowers Were Added. Mike, Amy, And The Boys Went With Billie And Myself. They Brought Flowers To Be Placed With Ours.
Saints Peter And Paul Cemetery, Located In Westville Illinois Is Bobby's Final Resting Place. It's Within Bicycle Riding Distance For His Children. The Small Cemetery Is Situated Just Outside Of Town With A Country Like Setting.
Even Though Today Is Memorial Day, I Don't Need A Day To Remind Me To Put Flowers On My Son's Grave. I Will Forever Mourn My Son's Death. He Was Not Suppose To Leave Before Me. I Miss Him Terribly. Even Though We Don't Understand Why Things Happen As They Do, We Must Accept It And Move On. I Will See Bobby Through The Eyes Of His Children. I Have Photo's And Video To Comfort Me In My Day's Of Missing Him. Life For Us Will Never Be The Same. However, What A Pleasure We Had For The Past 29 Years With Bobby Being A Part Of It.
I Will Always Love You Son.....

A Million Times We've Needed You,
A Million Times We've Cried.
If Love Alone Could Have Saved You,
You Never Would Have Died.
If All The World Was Ours To Give,
We Would Give It Yes, And More,
To See You Coming Up The Steps,
And Walking Through The Door.
To Hear Your Voice And See Your Smile,
To Sit And Talk A While,
To Be With You That Same Old Way,
Would Be Our Fondest Day.
A Heart Of Gold Stopped Beating,
Two Smiling Eyes Closed To Rest,
God Broke Our Hearts To Prove To Us,
He Only Takes The Best.

My Old Self

Have You Ever Made That Statement? It Could Be An Age Thing. You Reckon? I Want To Believe There Was An Old Me. A Person I Use To Be. A Person That Didn't Think The Same As I Did 20 Years Ago. I Would Want To Believe The New Me Is A Kinder Person. Generous, Outgoing, A Selfless Kind Of Being.
Moons Ago I Was Always Busy. Too Busy For The Things That Really Matter. I Would Like To Believe I Lean More In The Direction Of My Father. They Say Lead By Example. When I Think Of My Father I See The Past Father And The Present One. Even Though I Remember Both With Fondness, I Must Admit The Present One Is The One I Admire The Most.
It Must Be Time. Time Has Always Been In Control Since The Beginning. My Father Of The Past Was A Busy Man. He Worked Hard. He Accomplished Alot. I Can Actually Say I Got To Really Know My Father This Past Decade. His Age Has Slowed Him Down Some. I Have Witnessed His Generosity Toward Others And It Makes Me Proud. I Have Tried To Learn By His Example. Giving Gives You Much Pleasure. Sharing Satisfies Your Soul.
As I Get Older My Eyes See More In Life. My Heart Seems To Be More Open Than It Has In The Past. In My Younger Years It Really Didn't Matter. My Old Self.
Generosity Is Not Always Monetary. Give Yourself To Others. Volunteer, Pass Along Something Useful To Someone Who Really Appreciates It.
Most Of My Readers Know My Passion In Life Is To Bring Attention To Poverty. Since The Beginning Of Time There Has Been Poverty. My Heart Tells Me Not To Question Poverty. The Bible Instructs Us Not To Turn Our Heads To The Poor. For They Are The Ones Who Will Inherit The Earth. I Know Alot Of People Who Are One Check Away From Being Homeless. I Know The Homeless. I Wish Someday I Can Experience What They Feel Each Day Not Having A Home. Not Having A Warm Bed At Night. My Old Self Didn't Care.
Today I'm Not As Judgmental As I Once Was. If You Can Help Provide What Needs Others Have Is An Essential Part Of Who You Are. I Don't Care If You Are Black Or White, Jewish, Atheist, Or Even A Cardinal Fan. You Are Somebody. This World Whether We Like It Or Not Is Materialistic. You Can't Escape It If You Tried.
However, Once You Remind Yourself Material Is Just An Object. You Can Admire It. You Can Flaunt It. Material Will Never Give You The Satisfaction That Your Soul Desires.
The Important Things In Life Seem To Be More Vivid During The Process Of Time.
One Thing I Have Learned Over The Past 56 Years. Life Is Alot Like A Book. You Experience Different Chapters In Your Life. You Turn A Page. There Is A Beginning And An End. I Think The Most Important Part Of The Book Is The One Who Wrote It.
God Is The Author Of My Book. I Hope During My Chapters And The Pages I Turn, I Will Feel More Accomplished Before It Reads The End.
My New Self....

Goodbye World

I Am Sure You All Have Heard By Now This Is The Last Day For Earth As We Know It. According To Some Biblical Scholars, On This Date May 21, 2011 The Rapture Will Begin.
For Christians If True Would Be A Joyous Day. However, According To Scripture, Revelation 3:3 (NIV) "Remember, Therefore, What You Have Received And Heard; Obey It, And Repent. But If You Do Not Wake Up, I Will Come Like A Thief, And You Will Not Know At What Time I Will Come To You."

Mac's Top Ten Rapture Comments;
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10: If You Are Reading This You Didn't Make The First Cut.
9: Menu For May 21st, Breakfast-Chocolate,-Lunch-Chocolate,-Dinner-Chocolate.
8: "Borrow" A Police Car, With Lights And Sirens Blaring.
7: Donate All Your Worldly Goods And Pray You Won't Be Here Tomorrow.
6: Go To Wrigley Field And Let Cubs Know They Have Until October 21st To WIN!
5: Go To Facebook And See How Many Friends You Have Left.
4: Write One Million Dollar Checks And Hand Them Out At Church.
3: Change Your Outgoing Message On Voice Mail To Outgoing Message.
2: Bring Your White Gloves And Whistle And Direct Traffic On Main Street.
1: Wear Clean Underwear!

To Blog Or Not To Blog

I Rarely Get Comments To My Blogs. Are Blogs Becoming A Thing Of The Past? I Love To Write About Things But Maybe Blogs Is Not A Way To Express Myself. Of Course I Get Random Responses To Some Of My Blogs But I Haven't A Clue As To How Many People Actually Read My Blog. So Do I Write Them For Me Or For Those Who Read Them? I Would Like To Say I Write Them For Myself But I Would Like Others To Enjoy My Thoughts. I Will Search The Net And See If There Is Something I Would Be More Interested In.
I Enjoy Writing Them But Do I Bore The Readers? Do They See What I Am Writing About Then Decide Whether Or Not To Read It?
Please Don't Get The Wrong Idea, This Is NOT A Popularity Contest. If It Does Not Matter To You If I Continue To Blog Then It's Not Necessary To Respond. If You Would Like For Me To Continue Publishing My Blogs, Just Click Onto The Comment Below. I Will Not Publish Anyone's Response. It Will Remain Private. I Just Want To Get An Idea If It's Worth My Time. Either Way I Promise My Feelings Will Not Be Hurt. Besides, I May Get A Comment From Someone I Had No Idea Even Read My Blog.
I Hope To Hear From Someone,......Anyone.

They Don't Get Any Better Than This

His Name Is Starlin Castro. You May Not Have Heard Of Him, But You Will. Even Though You May Not Be A Sports Fan, You Will Eventually Hear His Name. He Happens To Be The Chicago Cubs New Shortstop. He Played The Latter Part Of Last Season, Coming Up From Triple A Farm Team. I Cannot Remember The Last Time I Was This Excited About A New Cub Player. He Reminds Me Of A Cross Between Shawon Dunston And Tony Gwynn. If You Know Anything About Baseball You Would Know These Two Names As Well. Shawon Dunston Came To The Cubs In The Early To Mid 80's. Also A Shortstop He Was Considered A Scrappy Player Who Was Not Afraid To Get Down And Dirty. His Plate Appearances Were Fun To Watch. He Was Known For Swinging At The Low Pitches. In Defense, He Would Field The Ball Gracefully Then Fire That Ball To First Base Faster Than I Ever Saw It Done. I Can Remember Mark Grace Being The First Baseman. He Joked One Day About Applying More Padding To His Glove Because Of The Hard Throws From Dunston.
Tony Gwynn However Was Best Known For His Plate Performances. Make Contact. His On Base Percentage Was Impressive. Put The Ball Into Play. Move That Base Runner Along. He Didn't Worry About The Long Ball Because He Would Not Be Remembered For That. He Would Be Remembered For His Hits And On Base Percentage.
Now To Starlin Castro. Remember This Name, Because I Have A Feeling One Day Years From Now Baseball Lovers From Across The Globe Will Remember Him As The Youngest Ball Player To Play In The Major League. It's My Opinion He Will Be Known As One Of The Greatest Hitters Baseball Will Ever See. I Make This Prediction Not Because He Is A Chicago Cub, But That As A Baseball Fan. I Know Baseball Talent When I See It. If This Young Man Stays Healthy He Will Be Declared One Of The Best If Not THE Best In Baseball History. Yes I Know There Are People Who Feel This May Be Premature In Predicting Such A Fabulous Career. Write This Down In Your Calendar Folks. Starlin Castro May Some Day Be A Household Name Like Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle Or Pete Rose.
He's Fun To Watch And Even If I Were Not A Cub Fan I Would Watch Him As Much As I Could No Matter What Team He Played For.
He May Not Go Down In History As The Best Shortstop In Baseball History. I Believe He Will Go Down In History As One Of The Best Baseball Players That Ever Lived.
Good Luck Starlin, You Will Go Far.

Not A Good Day

When You Think Your Days Are Getting More Tolerable You Get A Reminder Of All The Horror Of Months Past. Days Are Suppose To Get Better As Time Marches On. Wrong!
Today I Am Searching The Internet For Memory Poems, So I Can Submit One For Bobby In The Commercial News For Memorial Day. Today Billie Seen Me Cry For The First Time In Months. I Have Tried To Be Her Rock. Even Though I Found It Comforting, She Was There For Me. I Worry About My Mental Health.
Recently I Have Very Little Desire Or Motivation For Anything. This Is Not Normal For Me Because I Consider Myself To Be Committed In What I Do With The Foundation.
Tomorrow Awaits My Signature For The Final Stage On Bobby's Headstone. We Were Hoping The Stone Would Be Placed Before Memorial Day. Due To Delays Beyond Our Control It Won't Happen. That's A Disappointment, But On The Other Hand It's Important We Get It Right. We Tried To Involve Everyone In This Project That Loved Bobby. When The Stone Is Complete It Will Be A Wonderful Memorial For Him. It Seems All These Different Stages Takes A Toll On The Nerves. It Came On Me All Of A Sudden Without Warning. This Time I Had To Lean On Billie. I Suppose That's A Good Thing. Maybe She Thought Either She Was Still Too Fragile And I Too Cold Hearted. Maybe It Is A Good Thing For Both Of Us To Be There For Each Other. Now That She Has Seen Me Just As Fragile As Her, We Both Know We Still Have Alot Of Healing Left In Us. Maybe Her Seeing Me Having My Moment Of Weakness Will Allow Us To Lean More On One Another From Here On Out. I Think That Is A Good Thing.
I Think Trying To Choose The Perfect Poem And Seeing The Draft For The Headstone Was Rather Overwhelming For Me Today. It Stirred Up Alot Of Emotion For Me. One Moment I Think I Am Getting Stronger, Then Before You Know It My Weakness Becomes Obvious.
Well I Must Remind Myself Of What I Said Shortly After We Heard Of Bobby's Death. We Can Only Take One Day At A Time. Every Day Is Different.
I Mentioned Stages. I Still Hurt Deeply. I Have Entered Into Anger. I Am Mad At Bobby For What He Did. I'm Mad I Lost My Wonderful Son. I Am Mad It Has Changed My Life Forever More. I'm Sure I Will Vent More When I Get Angrier. In The Meantime I Consider Myself To Be Normal In The Grieving Process.
Oh, One Word Of Advice From Somebody Who Knows. If You Love Some One Enough, Keep Checking Up On Them Periodically. People Pay Their Respects To The Grieving Family. There Are Hardly Any Follow Up To See How They Are Coping. It's Not Easy Losing A Son. I Thought He Would Be Around To Mourn My Death.
You Know, Sometimes I Feel Life Is A Bitch. Then You Die. I know, It's The Depression Talking. I Could Say Worse Things, But If I Did I Would Lose Some Faithful Readers. I Will Save Those Worse Comments And Use Them To A Person Who Truly Understands.
So It Didn't Rain Friday. The Weatherman Convinced Me We Would Have Afternoon Thunderstorms. It Takes Me 2 Hours To Set Up And 2 1/2 Hours To Close Under Dry Conditions. I'm A Rummage Man. It's Not My Job To Know When Or Where It Will Rain. I Don't Get Paid 60,000.00 A Year To Tell You It Rained Yesterday. Must Be Nice.
Of Course The Photo Above Is Not The Headstone. Once It's Complete I Will Post It. It Will Be Beautiful!

Blood Thicker Than Water?

Have You Ever Wondered Where Some Of These Saying Came About? I Guess The Origin Really Doesn't Matter. Of Course I Don't Always Agree With These Old Sayings But I Do Find Humor In Some Of Them.
Today Being Mothers Day, This Photo I Selected Because My Mother And Sister Is The Reason I Celebrate This Day.
Brenda Was Born On This Date In 1959. Her Birthday And Wedding Anniversary Always Celebrated On The 8Th Of May. She Always Considered It A Bonus When All Three Landed On The Same Date.
Even Though My Mother Never Actually Gave Birth To Brenda She Became One Of The Miller Clan Anyway. Even Though Miller Blood Never Ran Through Her Veins She Was A Miller Just The Same. Our Family Is Blended Within It's Branches. Not Only With Brenda But Other Members As Well. I Have Always Been An Advocate Of Not Associating Foster, Step Or Half Relatives. Once You Begin Titling Names You Begin Separating Yourself And Establishing A Distance. I Dropped Foster Many Years Ago When It Came To My Sister Brenda. Not Only Did She Need An Established Family, I Needed Her As A Sister.
To My Niece Amanda. I Understand Your Tears Today. You Have Every Right To Shed Them. This Day In Remembrance Of Her Life, And We Shall Also Celebrate It. A Day We Can Reflect And Cherish The Memories We Have Of Her. Sadness We Share Because We All Miss Her Presence In Our Life. Left Is A Huge Void That Can Never Be Filled. This Void Will Always Be A Reminder Of The Times We Shared.
To My Mother. Happy Mothers Day. I Salute Your Service As A Mother Of So Many. Being A Foster Parent Gave You The Opportunity Of Being Called Mom As Well As Grandma To The Ones Who Were Not Actually Blood Related.
For Some, Blood Is Thicker Than Water. For Us, Just Another Notch On The Trunk Of The Family Tree.
Happy Mothers Day To You And Everyone Else.

There Are Times When You Need To Get People's Attention. This Blog May Raise An Eyebrow. My Reason For Writing This Blog Is To Draw Attention To An Issue Some Would Rather Ignore. Choosing To Ignore Could Be Your Way Of Trying To Forget. So, Have You Forgotten? Of Course You Haven't And You Won't. In Years Past I Have Had Loved Ones Molested By Someone They Trusted. I Guess This Would Have To Be The Most Despicable Crimes Against Children. A Person Of Trust Like A Teacher, Neighbor, A Relative, Can Be The Most Devastating, Simply Because Trust Had Been Compromised.
If This Topic Sickens You, Then I Consider You To Be A Normal Loving Person. I Write This Blog Primarily To Invite Awareness And Assure Those Who Have Been Molested In Their Lifetime, Not To Be Afraid To Talk About It. You Have Nothing To Be Ashamed Of.
I Have Never Shared Before, To Anyone Of "Incidents" Within My Childhood.
Sicko's Who Like Little Boys And Take Advantage Of Their Innocence. Why Didn't I Speak Up? It's Not As If I Enjoyed What Was Being Done To Me. Why Would I Want To Protect Such A Monster? I Can Remember Being Embarrassed. Why Is That? I Was Just Being A Little Boy Growing Up In A Safe Family In A Safe Neighborhood. Now How Many Of You Believe There Is Such A Thing? Safe Family. That Seems To Be A Good Starting Point. Was It A Funny Uncle? Was It A Stepfather? Why Do We Protect These Fruit Loops?
I Am 56 Years Old. Why Have I Been Holding This Information Inside My Head All Of My Adult Years? I Recently Have Been Thinking Of Incidents Of Child Molestation That Occurred Many Years Ago. Even Though Years Have Passed, The Scar Will Be Left For A Lifetime. I Think People Suspect Others Who Molest But Are Afraid To Speak Up. I Believe They Want To, But Don't Have The Proof. Especially For Children, They Really Don't Understand What Is Happening To Them.
We Must Make It Our Business To Report Incidents Of Sexual Abuse. No More Compassion For Those Who Abuse Our Children. If It Reveals A Dark Family Secret, Then So Be It. It's Our Responsibility To Protect Our Children From These Monsters.
This Blog Has Nothing To Do About Me. I'm Bringing This To The Front Burner For All To Acknowledge This Is Not A Perfect Society. We Must As A Society Weed Out The Undesirable. Take Off The Kid Gloves And Get Serious About What Is Right And Wrong.
SOC It To The Wrong. (Save Our Children)