Some People Can Be Very Stupid!

I Can Fondly Remember My Walks With Brandi. Everytime I Stopped For An Ice Cream Cone At The Dairy Queen They Would Give One To Brandi For Free. Brandi And I Have Visited Classrooms In Both Danville And Bismark.
Ofcourse You Must Take The Bad With The Good. The Bad Was The Constant Interuptions Of Our Walk By Curious Onlookers. I Never Minded The People Who Drove By In A Car And Pointed And Smiled. Those Were The Best!
The Worse Came When A Person Came Up From Behind me And Tapped Me On The Shoulder. Out Of Breathe With The Sound Of Frustration As He Told Me He Was Hollering At Me From More Than A Block Away. I Informed Him If I Stopped For Every Person Who Wanted Me To I Would Never Get My Walk Completed. He Then Asked Me If I Was A Smart Ass. I Told Him I Saw The Direction This Conversation Was Heading For So I Gave Him A Clear Warning About What Brandi Would Do To Him If He Showed Too Much Aggression Toward Me.
I Told Him She Would Jump On Him And Attack His Juggler Vein In His Neck. I Told Him He Would Never Be Able To Whip A Baboon. This Person Apologized And Kind Of Faded Away As I Continued The Remainder Of My Walk.
I Found That Most Dogs Fear The Baboon. I Regret Not Teaching Her How To Bowl.
I Think My Biggest Fear Was Bowling So Poorly And Brandi Would Bowl A Better Score! Hahaha!!

My Mother Wore A Thong & My Father Was Gay!

What Is The World Coming To? How Dare They Mess With The English Language!
Back In The Day When "They" Were First Invented Men And Women Wore Them To The Beach Or At Home. Today They Are Referred As Flip Flops. They Were Thongs Then And I Still Call Them Thongs. Old Habits Are Hard To Break!
When I Became A Member Of The Uncle Sam's Canoe Club(Navy)I Learned A New English Language. The Waste Basket Became The Shit Can. The Stairs Was A Ladder And The Bathroom Was The Head. Would You Partake From The ScuttleButt? You Would If You Ever Drank From A Drinking Fountain While Serving In The Navy.
When Gay Was Happy And A Fag Was A Cigarette. It's Just A Matter Of A Few Decades But Today's Society Has Managed To Change Everyday Words In The English Language To Have Opposite Meanings. I Have Only Named A Few Of Those Words But There Are Many More That Have Confused The Best Of Us.
While Stationed On Nantucket Island I Missed The Convenience of Fast Food. There Were None There. I Tried To Get As Close To A Burger And Fries As I Could. I Hit A Road Block When I Ordered A Milk Shake. A Puzzled Look Was All I Got From The Person Taking My Order. I Described How It Was Made And Was Met With A Laughing Result Of What I Was Actually Ordering. You Want A Frap! It Wasn't Worth The Debate Since I Was On Their Turf.
All I Cared About At That Moment Was To Enjoy My Frap. After I Was Finished I Threw It In A Scuttlebutt. I Enjoyed My Fag And I Was Very Gay!

Just Call Me Mac.......

Trash My House You Monkey Beast!

I Have Always Tried To Keep Brandi In Open View So She Can Be As Social As Possible. As Mentioned Earlier I Had Brandi Dressed In A One Piece Jumper Like Outfit. I Had A Dog Harness That Fit Over Her Clothes And The Buckle In The Back Where She Could'nt Get Her Little Finger To Escape. I Had A Padlock On Her Buckle And About 3 Foot Of Chain Anchored To The Floor In The Living Room So She Could Be In The Most Active Room In Our Home. She Had One Corner Of The Room All To Her Own. Whenever We Had To Leave The House We Made Sure She Had Her Little Blanket Within Reach So She Could Sleep If She Wanted. The Funny Thing About Brandi Was You Never Knew If She Was Asleep or Not Because She Would Have the Blanket Over Her Whenever She Was Sleeping. Sometimes She Liked To Pretend When She really Was Awake.
Anyway, We Had To Do Some Shopping And We Knew We Would Be Gone For A Couple Of Hours. I Gave Her A Drink Of Water And Her Blanket And Out The Door We Went.
When Billie And I Returned Home Brandi Was Sitting In The Window. I Said Oh Oh, You Better Stay Here Because Who Knows What Our House Looks Like Now That Brandi Was On The Loose.
I Walked In The Door And It Looked As Though Our Home Had Been Hit By A Tornado! Brandi Had Uprooted Plants In Our Living Room. Dirt Was Everywhere. The Pictures On The Walls Were On The Floor, Drapes Barely Hung On The Rods. That was Just The Living Room. The Water Was Running In The Bathroom Tub And Sink. I Entered Into The Kitchen And My Heart Sank. She Had Gotten Into The Refrigerator And Had Taken The Milk And Let It Run On The Floor. Ketchup, Mustard, Pickles Were Everywhere! The Curtains Were On The Floor Pasted With The Night Before Leftovers.
Our House Was Trashed And It Would Take Us A Long Time To Clean Up This Horrible Mess! I Told Billie If Monkey Was On The Menu For Tomorrow Night I Would Surely Understand. This Monkey Madness Was One We Would Never Forget As Long As We Lived.

Just Call Me Mac.........

Jealousy

When Brandi First Came To Live With My Family She Would Have Very Little To Do With Me. I Worked All Day And Didn't Get To See Her As Often As Billie And The Kids.
It Did Take Brandi Awhile To Adapt To Her New Environment. Over A Period Of Time Brandi Grew Closer To Me. I Gave Her The Attention She Wanted Whenever I Could. I Am The One Who Fed Her, Bathed Her, And Changed Her Diaper. It Wasn't Too Long Before I Became Her Man. By That I Mean She Became Highly Jealous Of Billie. If Billie Sat Next To Me On The Couch Brandi Would Raise A Ruckus. If She Touched Me In Any Way Bandi's Hair Would Lay Back And Her Eye Brows Would Raise Up. It Was Funny At First But It Did Create A Few Problems Later Down The Road.
Our Insurance Man Came Over To Give Our Home A Visual Inspection. He Became Facinated With Brandi And He reached Out To Pet Her. As Soon As He Leaned Over Brandi Grabbed The Papers Out Of His Hand. He Thought That was Cute But Then Asked For His Papers Back. Billie Told Him She Couldn't Get Them Back. He Asked Why Not And Billie Told Him She Belonged To Me And She Couldn't Get Too Close To Her. He Wasn't Too Happy About That But, Oh Well....

Just Call Me Mac.....

Monkey On The Loose!

One Beautiful Afternoon I Decided To Take Brandi For A Walk. Beckie Wanted To Go Too So The Three Of Us Took Off Together. Everything Was Fine Until I Realized I Didn't Have My Monkey At The End Of The Leash. Brandi Managed To Set Herself Free And Up The Tree She Went. I Tried To Coax Her Down But She Wouldn't Hear Of It. Beckie Told Me She Knew How To Get Her Down. We Were Just A Couple Blocks Away From Home So She Took Off To Fetch Some Ammunition. When She Returned Brandi Had Moved From The Tree To The Top Of The Street Sign. She Was Just High Enough To Be Out Of My Reach.
Here You Go Brandi Said In A Calm Voice. She Placed A Can Of Pepsi On The Ground Next To The Sign. Brandi Didn't Hesitate A Moment And Down She Came From The Sign. I Quickly Snagged Her And Finally She Was Secure And Refreshed!
Can You Imagine The Termoil In Danville Once The Word Was Out That A Baboon Was On The Loose?
All's Well That Ends Well.......

Just Call Me Mac...

Gone Fishing......

A Couple Buddies Of Mine Wanted To Go Fishing. We Decided To Take His Car And This Fishing Trip Included Brandi. I Brought Along A 25 Foot Leash So Brandi Could Get Into The Shallow Area Of The River. We Had A Nice Afternoon Of Fishing And It Seemed As Though Brandi Did As Well. When Brandi Wasn't Playing In The Water She Played In A Grassy Area On The Banks Of The River. What I Didn't Know Was That Brandi Had Eaten Some Grass And Ended Up With Diarea. I Brought An Extra Diaper But Brandi Had It Soiled Rather Quickly. My Friend, The Owner Of The Car Just Stared At Me Then Asked How Our Trip Home Was Planned. I Told Him Under The Circumstances I Will Put Brandi On The Short Leash And Let Her Ride On The Top Of The Car. Brandi Seemed To Enjoy The Wind In Her Face Ride Home. I Began To Feel A Warming Sensation On My Forearm, Then To The Upper Arm Whe Finally I Hollered To STOP THE CAR!! Any Longer The "Stinky Stuff" Would Enter The Arm Pit Area Then Down The Rest Of My Torso.
We Had No Rags To Help Me Clean Up So I Told Them To Meet Me At The Car Wash A Block Away. Once There I Put The Money In The Machine Then Tied Brandi's Leash To The Car Door Handle.
I Managed To Wash The Car Down Then Put It On The Rinse Cycle For Brandi Too.
Lesson learned. Next Time You Go Fishing Leave Your Monkey At Home.

Just Call Me Mac......