Farewell, It's Time To Move On

Replacing The Old Calendar Of 2011 Is A Pleasure For Me. I Have Had A Year To Mourn My Son's Death. Now I Won't Look At A Particular Date And Think To Myself A Year Ago Today Bobby And I Did This Or That.
It Will Actually Give Me The Peace I Have Been Seeking For So Long. I Didn't Realize It Until The Last Few Days. The First Week Of January Was Almost Unbearable. My Son Who I Thought Would Comfort Me In My Old Age. My Son Who Gave Me Four Beautiful Grand Children.
Tonight I Played The Music Video My Niece Tabitha Created Of Bobby's Life. There Were Many Touching Moments Throughout The Video. My Reason For Not Watching It Was Because It Was Too Painful. I Cry Every Time I Watch It.
I Chose To Watch It Tonight Because I Consider Tomorrow Being A New Chapter In My Life. I Now Feel Bobby Inside Of Me. My Sadness Comes From Me Missing His Physical Appearance. Missing Our Talks And Walks In The Woods Searching For Mushrooms. I Miss Him Helping Me In My Truck.
Now That I Finally Feel Him Inside My Heart I Have Comfort. I'm At Peace.
From This Point On Bobby Will Always Be A Happy Memory For Me. He Is My Inspiration To Be A Better Person, To Help More Needy Families. I No Longer Feel Stuck In A Time Warp. After Tonight I Look Forward To Good Things.
Billie And I Shared Tonight About What The New Year Means For Us. I Can't Speak For Her But I Can Say I Feel Blessed To Have Had Him In My Life For 29 Years. Billie Asked Me If It Was Meant To Be? I Told Her I Believe It Was. Only God Knows How Much Time We Have Here. We All Just Assume We Will All Live To A Ripe Old Age Before We Die. I May Live To Be 100! However I Could Die Tomorrow.
It's Amazing How Differently A Person Views The Old Year Leaving And The New One Approaching. For Years I Felt Sadness. I Think It Was Because Of The Special Things That Happened That Particular Year. I Have Never Felt Like This Before. It Feels Like I Have Been Saved Again. Like When I First Accepted Jesus As My Savior. I Feel Like A New Person With A Vision For My Future. It Gives Me Strength.
What I Do Know Is I Feel Like I Am A Better Person Today Because I Knew Him. I Am Changed For The Better. Now As I Move My Life Forward I Do So With Peace In My Heart.

Reflection Of 2011

Each Year I Try To Reflect On Things That Happened That I Consider Noteworthy. In No Particular Order And If I Miss Something, Please Forgive Me. Some May Be Sad While Others Could Be Funny. Bear With Me. If You Get Bored Move On To The Next Blog.
My Year Didn't Start Off Too Well. I Was In The Process Of Writing An Obituary For My Son. Bobby Passed Away On The 29th Of December. We Laid Him To Rest At St Peter & Paul Cemetery In Westville On Saturday January 8th.
My Fathers Brother Passed Away On February 10Th. My Uncle Fred Miller, A Man I Hardly Knew. Miles Separated Us Through My Lifetime Preventing Me From Actually Getting To Know Him Well. A Man Of God Who Married My Parents Back In 1952.
Back In March I Decided To Cover My Thirty Some Year Old Tattoo's. One Was A Cover Up Memorial To My Son Bobby. The Other Was A Cover Up With Something I Am Most Interested In Today. Bowling, What Else?
Back in July My Brother Tuck Was The Only One Dressed Like A Red Neck. Being One Of The Baseball Stadium Announcers, They Have "Special" Nights. This Night In Particular Was To Dress Up Red Neck Style. He Was Dressed Out Well. Now If Others Participated It May Have Been A Fun Night For Him And Others. If There Was A Lesson To Be Learned That Night, Let Others Know It's Ok To Be Able To Laugh At Yourself.
On October 18th I Lost A Friend. My Friend Barnee, Who Just So Happened To Be My Brother's Dog, Had To Be Put To Sleep. He Was A Good And Faithful Dog.
Cassie Came Into My Life. She Is A Pug And I Believe She's A Match Made From Heaven. By That I Mean I Feel That Bobby Paired Us Together. She Is So Sweet And Lovable.
The Robin Hood Foundation Blanket Drive Was Another Success. About 300 Beds Will Be Warmer This Winter.
The Upcoming Year Of 2012 Is Viewed By Me As A Fresh New Year With Hopefully Good Things To Come. I Have Often Heard That Change Is Good. I Hope This Is True. My Mission In Helping The Poor May Change In Some Ways. When You Are Use To Doing Things A Certain Way For So Many Years, Change Can Be Difficult.
My Commitment In My Mission Is True. I Will Continue To Give Of Myself So Others Can Have A Better Life. If I Do Things Differently Than In Years Past, So Be It. I Have God On My Side And I Have The Faith He Will Guide The Way.
My Hopes Are High For This New Coming Year. I Say Bring It On!

Euchre Year

Last Year I Boasted About Receiving The Triple Crown In The Card Game Of Euchre. I Call It The Triple Crown Because I Play Euchre Three Times A Week.
This Year I Fell Short Of That Crown. Sunday And Monday Euchre Sessions Came Out In My Favor This Year Too. However, Going Into This Last Week Two Games Ahead, We Fell Short And Lost On Wednesday Night. It Was A Hard Fought Battle To The Very End. My Friend Mutley And I Have To Take The Ladies Out To Dinner For Their Win.
So Congratulations To The Ladies. However, Beware We Expect To Re-Claim Our Title Back For This New Coming Year.

In Rememberance

One Year Ago Today My Son Bobby Took His Life. It's With Great Sadness I Write This Today. Since The Calendar Has Taken It's Complete Cycle, I Find Peace With This.
Now I Don't Look Back And Say One Year Ago Today Bobby Did This Or Did That. Time Has Marched On Quickly. I Would Never Say It Never Crosses My Mind. I Think Of Bobby Every Day.
I Have Good Reason For My Peace. I Slept In His Recliner Last Night. I Have Never Slept In A Recliner Before. I Just Knew I Would Feel Comfort By It. That's What Is Important. If It Gives You Comfort By Going To The Cemetery Then By All Means Go.
I Last Visited Bobby's Grave Earlier In The Week When I Took My Grandson Home. I Found Myself Singing A Christmas Carol. Bobby Would Surely Understand The Reasoning Behind It.
You Must Have Known Bobby's Character To Understand Why I Did What I Did. Today I Went Bowling. He Would Want Me To Enjoy My Bowling. He Knows How Much I Enjoy Bowling. Bobby Would Be Disappointed In Me If I Didn't Enjoy My Life On His Account. Of Course He Would Be Flattered By Us Remembering All The Good Times We Shared. I Will Cling Onto Those Memories For As Long As I Live. As I Have Been Reminded Memories Are God's Gift That Death Cannot Destroy.
I Wore The Ring I Gave To Bobby When He Was Just A Teen. He Had It Re-Sized To Fit Blake If He Chooses To Wear It. Of Course I Have My Necklace With A Link To Bobby's Bracelet. I Decided To Wear The Belt Bobby Was Wearing When He Passed Away. Today Whether I Bowled Well Or Not I Had My Comfort.
As A Matter Of Fact I Bowled My Highest Series In This League This Year. I Think Bobby Was At The Bowling Alley With Me Today. I Think He Was At The Cemetery Where Billie Visited This Afternoon. I Think He Was Everywhere He Was Needed To Give Comfort For Those Who Were Seeking It.
I Am Looking Forward To The New Year. No Looking Back, When I Should Be Pushing Forward With My Life. If I Look Back, I Want To With Fondness With No Sadness. My Reason Is Simple. That's What Bobby Would Want.
Death Unfortunately Is A Part Of Life. I Think The Most Significant Part Of Death Itself Is Missing The Physical Appearance Of The One Who Passed. That's What Photo's Are For. We Should All Create Memories And Take A Lot Of Pictures Along The Way. Someday You Will Find Yourself Searching For Those Memories.
Have You Had Your Kodak Moment?

It Seemed Like Yesterday

The Other Day My Parents Invited My Sister And Her Husband, Both My Brothers And Our Wives To A Dinner. We All Lead Different Lives And Sometimes It's Difficult To Get Everybody Together. It Was Nice To See Each Other And Chat For A Spell.
As My Eyes Browsed The Table I Could See How We All Have Aged. Well, Maybe With The Exception Of My Brother Robin. Not Sure What His Secret Is For His Youth Like Appearance, But Looks Are Not Everything. They Say Never Judge A Book By It's Cover. Through Our Conversations We Talked About Our Eye Sight And How It's Not Like It Use To Be. Well What Is? Otherwise It Was An Occasion We Could All Get Together And Enjoy Each Others Company. We Were Together This Past Summer At Our Family Reunion. One Thing We Have Been Reminded Of Is, Life Is Short And We Just Don't Know What Lies Ahead Of Us. We Tend To Believe The Older Generation Depart This World Before The Young. It Doesn't Always Work Out That Way.
As Christmas Nears, My Mind Has Wandered Of Christmas Past. The Times When I Was Young Growing Up On Franklin. Those Christmas Days Pretty Much Molded What I passed On To My Family And Our Children.
This Christmas As Most My Readers Are Aware Will Be Minus One Family Member. This Christmas Will Be Our First Without My Son Bobby. As Each Day Nears Christmas, I Find Myself Becoming Sad And Lonely. Even Though I Could Be Surrounded By A Mass Of People, That Void In Your Heart Seems To Be Abundant.
I Believe The First Calendar Year Is The Hardest. This Is Not My First Years Of Grieving. As I Remembered In Earlier Years, That First Birthday, The Seasons, The Events Missed, Are All Important And Significant In The Grieving Process. I Believe Soon After The First Of The New Year, Life As We Know It Will Gradually Become More Bearable. Bobby Passed Away On The 29th Of December. So You See One Year Has Not Passed Yet. However, From The Time Of His Death And The Day We Buried Him It Was 10 Days. Of Those Days My Father And Sister Both Celebrated A Birthday. I Can't Even Remember Today Whether I Called Them And Wished Them A Happy Birthday. I'm Sure They Were Quite Aware Of My State Of Mind During Those Days. Those Were My Darkest Of Days. The Loss Of A Child No Matter The Age Can Be Devastating For Any Parent.
I Haven't A Clue Who All Reads My Blogs. It May Only Be A Handful. No Matter The Number, I Want To Thank You For Reading Some Of My Deepest Thoughts. Some People Don't Believe In Blogs. They Feel Personal Happenings Should Be Private And Not Be Put Out There For All To Read. I Have Always Enjoyed Writing. Blogging Has Given Me The Opportunity To Share My Thoughts. It's No Secret This Past Year Has Been A Roller Coaster Of Emotions. I Appreciate My Readers Sticking With Me By Reading My Words.
One Thing Is For Certain, You Have No Idea What You Will Read When You Come To My Blog Site. It Could Be Something Funny, Sad, Or Maybe Even Weird. No Matter The Topic, It Came From Me, Either Through Life Experience Or Just Plain Silliness.
The Full Cycle Of One Year Is Fast Approaching. I'm Sure On These Dates It Will Give Me An Opportunity To Reflect And Reminisce. I Believe Once That Cycle Is Complete, Life Get's Better. They Say Time Heals Wounds And I Do Believe That. For Some It Takes Longer Than Others.
I Just Want My Readers To Know That Even Though This Past Year Of My Blogging May Have Been Depressing, The New Year Can Be Promising. I Just Don't Want To Lose Devoted Readers By Depressing Them. This Past Year Has Been Difficult. I Cannot Describe In Words My Feelings, My Loss. What I Can Describe Is, Each Morning When I Look Into The Mirror, I See A Man Getting Older. My Hair And Beard Has Grayed. I See That Time Doesn't Stand Still For Anyone.
I Don't Have Plans To Formally Celebrate This Christmas Like The Ones I Had In Years Past. Of Course It's Because Of The Loss Of My Son. I Still Consider Myself In Mourning.
I Am Looking Forward To The New Year Of 2012. This New Year To Me Completes The Calendar Cycle. I Felt Like I Needed To Reserve This Year For Him. The New Year Of 2012 Represents Fresh Idea's And Hope For The Future.
I Would Say I Knew My Son Best. I Knew His Character. I Know He Believed In My Mission To Help The Poor. He Would Not Want Me Or His Mother To Mourn His Loss For The Rest Of Our Lives. He Would Want Us To Be Happy And Productive. I Know This To Be True Because I Knew Him Well. All The Reminders I Have Of Him Prove To Me He Enjoyed Life. Even His Last Days Had Laughter In It. There Are Times We Don't Understand Why We Do The Things We Do. All We Can Do Is Put Our Trust In God's Hands And Pray That One Day We Will See Each Other Again.
Next Time You Look At Yourself In The Mirror, Take An Extra Long One.

Christmas Is What You Make It!

People! The People You Choose To Surround Yourself At Christmas Time Is What Puts The Spirit In The Air.
Never Would We Forget Who's Birthday We Celebrate. It's A Holiday Families Get Together And Rejoice The Birth Of Jesus.
Most All Of My Readers Know What This Christmas Will Be Like For Me This Year. I Won't Boar You Or Bring Your Holiday Spirit Down. I Will Instead Share With You What Christmas Means To Me This Year. I Will Let The Photo's Speak For Themselves.

Christmas Through The Years Has Become More About Spending, Buying And Focusing On Everything Else But The True Meaning.
To Be Honest, This Christmas Could Be Over With Yesterday As Far As I Am Concerned.

It's A Wonderful Life?

Yes It's Christmas Time And Some Of You May Be Watching Classic Movies Such As Miracle On 34Th St Or It's A Wonderful Life. I Have Made It No Secret That I Am Not Into Christmas This Year. It's Jesus's Birthday And I Will Honor That. As For The Rest Of It I Am Not Interested. I Won't Listen To Christmas Music Because That Only Makes Me Very Sad. I Did However Watch The Movie It's A Wonderful Life This Evening. The Reason I Did Was Because I Have Never Watched It From Beginning To End. I Have Always Watched Parts Of It Throughout The Years.
Even Though The Movie Had Christmas Scenes, The Movie Itself Was Not About Christmas At All. It Was About A Man Who Fought To Be A Good Person To Others. He Made Life Sacrifices So Others Could Have A Better Life. His Guardian Angel Showed Him What The World Would Be Like Without George Bailey In It.
So Tell Me What This World Would Be Like Without You In It? Has Your Life Effected Anyone Else? Would This World Be Different Without You In It?
Actually, If You Are Reading This You Are In Existence. There Is Only One You And Only One World. I Say Make The Best Of It In Everything You Say And Do. You Have Only One Life. Why NOT Make The Best Of It?

The Baker's Dozen

I Bet Many Of You Have Heard The Expression Baker's Dozen. Some Years Back I Found Out How That Phrase Came About. Of Course That's Not The Reason For Writing This Blog But Just Wanted To Spice It Up A Bit.
Back In The Day, In A Land Far Away, Bakers Who Were Ripping Their Customers Off And Cheating Them Out Of Their Rightful Dozen. They Took Their Complaints To The King! His Response To The Bakers Was That If Any More Customers Were Cheated They Would Be Beheaded. To Ensure They Would Maintain Themselves And Keep Their Heads On Straight They Would Always Toss In An Additional, Bringing The Total To 13.
My Mind Has Taken Me To The Years Of My Up Bringing. With My Parents Being Foster Parents We Would Never Know How Many Kids Would Be Sitting At The Table For Supper. Try To Think Of A Large Family And That's What It Felt Like Growing Up On Franklin. We Always Had The Half Baker's Dozen Once Brenda, Mark And Loyal Lived With Us On More Of A Permanent Basis.
My Father Got His Escape When It Was Time For Work. He Was A Firefighter And Worked 24 Hours And Off For 48 Hours. On His Days Off He Would Work A Second Job To Keep The Money Coming In. The Roses Goes To My Mother Because She Had No Escape.
I Don't Think I Have To Run Through The Duties Of A Mother For You To Fully Understand What Her Days Were Like. Multiply This By However Many Kids Were In The House. It Was Remarkable How One Woman Could Manage This Daily Routine.
Looking Back On Those Years I Don't Know How She Managed Just The Laundry. Of Course She Didn't Do It On A Rock At The Creek But It Might As Well Been. The Washer And Dryer Were Down In The Basement. Years Later After Billie And I Moved In She Told Me Since Our Family Was Much Smaller There Was No Need For A Walk In Closet. The Washer And Dryer Came Upstairs.
Those Days On Franklin Was Always A Fond Memory. I Often Wondered Why My Father Never Installed A Revolving Door. It May Have Never Been A Bakers Dozen, Yet I Am Sure My Mother At Times Felt It Was.

Create Your Memory

At Least That's What I Call It. Whenever You Have The Opportunity To Create A Memory, It May Bring A Smile Down The Road.
Disorders Such As Alzheimer Is Such A Cruel Way To Die. It's Hard To Imagine Life Without Your Memory. I Was Told One Day I Could Begin Losing Memories. I Think We All Have Memory Issues Of Some Sort.
I Still Have Memories Of My Childhood. There May Come A Time It All Will Eventually Fade Away. Sometimes I Have To Stop And Think What I Had For Breakfast. One Thing I Know For Sure Is There Is Something I Can Do For All The Tomorrows. Someday Someone Will Be Looking Back At Moments Of Time. Something You Say Or Something You Do Will One Day Be Remembered. I Found Out A Long Time Ago It's Not Always About You. Life Is About Us All.
Create A Fond Memory For Someone. Give Them A Reason To Remember And Smile.