Thanksgiving 2013

Our Family Gathered At Ryan's In Champaign. It Was A Nice Get Together. One Day It Will Be Just A Memory. It's Sad To See It That Way But It's True. Life Can Change So Quickly. We Need To Cherish Each Moment We Have To Be Together. Maybe Ryan's Is A New Tradition For Us. We Did It Last Year For The First Time. I Cannot Speak For Others But Thanksgiving As We Have Known It Is Pretty Much History. Christmas Is Basically The Same. We Bring Our Smiles And Try To Be Festive.
Truthfully I Would As Soon Wave Bye Bye To The Holiday's All Together. You Reach A Point In Time All The Excitement And Thrills Of The Holiday Season Lies In Years Past.
I Suppose The Memories We Create In The Present Moment Will Someday Look Back With Fondness. Both My Parents Are In Their Senior Years And Will One Day Be Gone. Maybe Doing It Like This Will Pave The Way For The Siblings Annual Get Together. I Hope So And Look Forward To Next Year. Now If I Can Get To The First Of January I Would Be A Much Happier Person.

November 22nd

November 22nd Must Be The Most Memorable Date In History Other Than Christmas. Most Know It As The Day President John F Kennedy Was Assassinated In Dallas Texas. I Don't Recall A Single Year Thereafter The News Media Has Not Reminded Us What Date It Was. Those Who Were Old Enough To Remember This Horrible Tragedy However Don't Need Reminders. Those Old Enough To Remember Know Exactly Where They Were When They First Heard Of The President's Shooting.

Today Marks The 50th Anniversary Of His Death. Ceremonies Of Remembrance Conducted Throughout This Day. I Was Only Eight Years Old. I Was Sitting In My 3rd Grade Classroom When The Principal Whispered Something In The Ear Of Our Teacher. Tears Were Steaming Down Her Face. At That Time She Sat On The Edge Of Her Desk To Give Us This Tragic News.

School Was Soon Dismissed And For Days We Watched History In The Making Over Our Black And White Television. These Events Are Etched In My Memory Forever.

However The 22nd Of November Holds Additional Memories For Me. On November 22, 2010 I Saw My Son Bobby For The Last Time. My Brother And I Drove Him To Indianapolis To Catch A Flight To Florida. He Needed To Get Out Of Danville And Into A Larger Economy So It Would Be Easier To Find Good Employment. Most Who Read My Blogs Know The End Result. So Now For Me The 22nd Day Of November Holds More Than One Reminder. Both I Remember With Sadness.

I Miss You So Much Bobby. There Is Not A Day That Goes By That I Don't Think Of You. This Picture Taken Of You Holds Fond Memories. I Have Found It Very Difficult To Find Complete Peace. I Still Cry At Times When I Sit And Day Dream Of The Times We Shared. For Those Who Don't Understand Why It's Still Difficult Even After Three Years Have Never Lost A Child. I Have A Big Void In My Life That Nothing Can Ever Fill. It's Gone Forever.
I Try Not To Sadden My Readers By My Depressed Writings. I Can't Promise You I Won't Write About Bobby Again. I Will However Try To Find More Uplifting Topics To Share With You In Future Blogs.
For My Friends That Believe In  Prayer I Ask That You Continue To Pray For Me And My Family. I Seldom Talk About Bobby With My Immediate Family Because They Too Are Hurting And There Is Nothing I Can Say Or Do To Take That Pain Away. So We Just Avoid The Topic All Together. Don't Get Me Wrong, His Name Comes Up In Different Conversations We Have. Fond Memories. A Moment We Can Actually Smile Because It Was A Happy Time. Most Importantly It's A Memory We Can Cherish For A Lifetime.

Turn Your Clock Back

Tonight We Set Our Clocks Back 1 Hour. Why Just One Hour? I Wish For One Time I Could Set The Clock Back To A Time That I Could Make A Difference In My World. Most That Know Me Know I Would Go Back To The Night My Son Shot And Killed Himself. I Can't Imagine Going Back Any Further Than That Because I Am Content With My Life And Those Who Are In It. I Cannot Imagine My Life Without My Loved Ones In It.
Just The Other Day Billie Asked Me If I Still Thought Of Bobby. I Told Her Everyday, Then I Broke Down In Tears. I Am Sorry I Did This Because It Was Her Birthday. I Didn't Want To Spoil Her Day But Really I Didn't Know Where It Came From. It's Been Awhile Since I Last Cried So Hard For Bobby. Considering It's Been Almost Three Years I Miss Him Just As If It Were Yesterday. Those Who Have Never Lost A Child Have No Idea. The Feeling Of Emptiness Is So Overwhelming. I Would Have Traded Places In A Heart Beat. If Only I Could Turn That Clock Back To The Early Morning Hours Of  December 29th, 2010. I Am Certain I Could Have Changed What Happened That Night.
Yes I Realize I Am Wishing For Something That Could Never Be. If I Was Granted Just One Wish In This World, That's What It Would Be. Forget All The Wealth In The World, Money, Cars, Trips. None Of It Really Matters Without The Ones You Love.
I Have Suffered From Depression For As Long As I Can Remember. It's Nothing To Be Ashamed Of. To Look At Me You Could Never See It. Depression Strikes Millions Of People All Over The World. It Took Me Many Years Before I Could Look At Myself In The Mirror. I Found A Friend In Jesus. My Relationship With Him Is Special. He Truly Understands Why I Think The Way I Do. It's Because Of Him I Can Continue My Life Here On Earth. I Will Never Recover From Losing My Son. I Can Only Be Thankful For The Ones I Have In My Life Today, Which I Am Very Grateful.
At The Stroke Of Midnight My Mind May Be On Wishing It Were December 29th 2010, Yet In Reality It's Just A New Beginning For A New Day. Even Though I Don't Have The Powers To Turn Time Back, I Can Though Be Thankful For The Memories Of Yesteryear.