Today Is My Birthday......

I Was Rather Hesitant In Deciding Whether Or Not I Wanted To Celebrate My Birthday This Year. My Reasoning Is Simple. I Am In Depression. I See No Use In Contacting A Doctor. I Am Not A Big Fan Of Self Diagnosing, But I Have Been Down This Road Before.
I Guess The Question Is, What Do I Do About It? First Off Let's Clear The Air In What I Feel I Have. Depression. A State Of Mind. Sadness. Feeling Of Great Loss. These Are Not The Definitions From Webster. These Are My Definitions Of How I Felt Since My Son Passed Away. I Know I Have Been Depressed. I Can't Sleep Well At Night. I Cry Every Day. I Ache For My Son. The Emptiness I Feel Is Beyond Words.
So Today Is My Birthday. I Woke Up To Many, Many Birthday Wishes From Friends And Relatives On Facebook. Our Good Friends From Georgietown Took Me Out Last Night To Eat And We Had Good Fellowship Afterwards By Playing Euchre. My Son Mike Stopped In And Spent The Evening With Us And Gave Him Some Euchre Lessons.
Today Someone Gave Me A Couple Pounds Of Gray Mushrooms. I Mowed Grass For The First Time This Year. In Many Years Past I Have Mowed Long Before My Birthday. The Lilacs Are In Bloom Meaning Yellow Sponge Mushrooms Are Popping Up. As For Me, I'm Not Hunting This Year. As I Stated In An Earlier Blog I Have No Interest In Hunting, Because Bobby Went With Me Every Year And Had For The Past 25 Years. I Have Checked His Favorite Elm Tree Twice So Far With No Luck Just Yet. I Am Still Confident I Will See A Yield Near That Tree Because Bobby Was Never Disappointed In The Past Few Years. It's Not Really Easy To Get To, But Determination Will Continue To Drive Me.
My Parents Took Me Out To A Chinese Buffet. It's Always Good To Share That Memory For Tomorrow. I Won't Have My Parents Around Forever So The Moments We Do Share Are Memorable. I Finished My Mowing, Then Painted My Garage To Rid It Of The Graffiti.
Back To The Depression. It's Not A Depression Where I Will Allow It To Consume Me. Yet My Ambition Has Declined. I Have Very Little Desire To Get Anything Accomplished. Throughout The Warmer Months It Has Always Been Difficult To Get Me To Slow Down. My Family And Friends Keep Me Going. Without Them I Have No Idea What My State Of Mind Would Be. There Is Just So Much They Can Do Though. They Are There If I Need Them, And I Know This. However None Of Them Can Do Anything About This Depression I Suffer.
Hey For Those Who Know Me Best, Know I Am Not Into Pity Parties. My Reasons For Sharing All This Is Because There May Be Someone Else Who Is Struggling With Depression. All I Ask Is They Recognize It As A Common Disorder That Is Treatable. Many People Suffer From Depression. It's Nothing To Be Ashamed Of.
If You Are Reading This Blog And You Feel You Suffer From Depression, I Ask, No, I Plead To You Not To Ignore It. Try To Stay In Contact With Family Or Friends. Please Don't Dismiss It As Something That Will Heal Itself. It May. I Have Heard Time Is Good Medicine. Of Course There Will Be Times When You Really Don't Want To Be Around Others. That's Perfectly Normal.
Today I Turned 56. Last Year My Son Was Here To Celebrate My 55Th. This Brings Me Sadness Today Just To Remember It.
Yet Again, If I Wasn't Born 56 Years Ago I Would Have Never Gotten To Know My Son For His 29 Years. Not Everything Good In Life Last A Lifetime. For An Unlimited Time, Love Those Who Matters Most.
I'll Be Ok. My Writing Helps Me And Gives Me Peace. I Can Write Down My Thoughts And See Myself Through My Words.
I Love To Write. I Love To Read. Combine The Two And Just Maybe I Can Get My Life Back In Some Kind Of Order. It Will Never Be The Way It Use To Be. All I Can Do Is Keep Being The Person That I Am. Why Would I Want To Be A Person That I Am Not?