I Lost My Glasses

Where Did They Go? I Have Two Pairs Of Glasses. One Pair For The Computer And Another Pair I Wear All Of The Time. This Morning I Got On The Computer Like I Always Do. After That I Reached For My Glasses And They Were Not Where I Always Keep Them.
I Have Turned This House Upside Down And I Still Cannot Find Them.
I Haven't A Clue As To Where They Are. I Imagine They Will Turn Up When I Least Expect Them. In The Meantime I Have To Go Back To My Old Routine. My Reading Glasses Are Just That. I Cannot Wear Them Unless I Want To Read. I Found A Case To Carry My Glasses With Me. I Always Hated To Carry That Case Around With Me. If I Don't Find Them In The Next Couple Of Days I Guess I Will Have To See About Getting Another Pair.
I'll Let You Know If I Find Them. Billie Is Always Losing Something And I Always Tell Her They Are Where She Left Them Last. I Wish It Were That Easy For Me Because I Have Looked Everywhere!

Accident

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?'

'My darling,' she replied, 'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.'

Live The Moment

Do You Day Dream Often? You Know What I Mean. Reminiscing Of Years Past. We All Do It And It Is Perfectly Fine And Normal. There Are Times When I Sit Back And Remember The Good Old Days And All The Fun I Had When I Was Young. The Friends I Had And The Stories We Shared. Life. One Of The Wonderful Things God Made When He Created Man Was His Memory.
Imagine What Life Would Be Like Without Memory? Grandpa, Grandma, Uncles, Aunts, Cousins. Family Reunions, School Christmas Programs And Yes The First Girl I Gave My Heart To. 1967 And Being Declared The Home Run Champ In 'A' Little League That Year.
You Know, I Can Remember That Day As If It Was Yesterday. How About You? Can You Remember Your First Day At School? Your First Kiss? So Why Am I Bringing This Up You Say?
I May Have Wrote This Once Before And If I Have Please Overlook My Inperfectness. Hahaha!! Anyway, It Was My Grandfather Who Layed His Hand On My Shoulder And Comforted Me When I Thought My World Was Over. He Told Me Some Way Some How It Will All Work Out. One Day I Will Be Looking Back At It. Wow, That Was So True. Those Words He Spoke To Me Are Etched In My Memory Forever.
He Was A Wonderful Grandpa. He Taught Me How To Fish. He Started Me In Coin Collecting. He Put My Bicycle Back Together After I Tore It Down. I Thought I Could Put It Back Together. Somehow That Didn't Work Out.
When He Layed In That Hospital Bed I Refused To Remember Him That Way. My Last Fondest Memory Of Him Was Him Sitting On That River Bank. He Was Most Likely Doing Some Of His Own Reminiscing. He May Have Been Thinking Of His Years Past Of Being On That Same River Bank With His Dad Or Loved One.
Today Will Me A Memory Some Day. One Day Your Son Or Daughter, Or Maybe That Snot Nosed Kid Next Door Will Be Looking Back And Remembering The Good Times Of Today. So You Think It's Just An Ordinary Day?
Think Again.

Enough Is Enough!

The Last Time I Quit Smoking For Good I Did It According To How I Had Planned.
I Went Shopping For A Replacement To Cigarettes. I Knew It Could Be Another Disappointment For Me Like All The Other Attempts At Quitting In Years Past. I Knew Failure Well, But This Felt Different This Time Around. Looking Back All Those Years I Have No Regrets Other Than Starting Smoking In The First Place.
Quitting Smoking Gave Me A Different Perspective On Life. Ofcourse This Is Just Me And In No Way Would I Ever Look Down At A Smoker. No More Than I Look At Fat People In A Different Way. In Most Cases We Are Who We Are By Our Own Choosing.
Never In My Life Have I Really Been On A Strict "Diet". Actually I Never Considered My Weight To Be A Problem. Oh Yes, I Hide It Well I Know. I Saw My Doctor Last Week As I Do Every Six Months. She Told Me I Had Gained 19 Pounds. That Shocked Me. Maybe That's The Kind Of Wake Up Call I Needed. I Weigh More Right Now Than I Ever Have Ever Weighed Before. I Feel Miserable And Desperate. I Decided To Make Changes In My Life.
Beginning April 21st I Will Begin My Diet. I Will Say No To The Foods That Got Me This Way. I Will Exercise Daily. My Start Date Is My Birthday. I Told Billie I Wanted This Diet To Continue To Her Birthday Which Is October 29th. That Is Just A Little Over Six Months. I Think I Can Alter My Life Enough During Those Months To Determine If Going Hungry Is Worth It. I Need To Find Replacements Of Food When Those Hunger Pains Begin. If I Stay True To My Diet I Will Certainly See Results.
My Season Is About To Start. Each Year As I Get Older I Find It Harder To Get In And Out Of My Truck. I Have Alot Of Grass To Mow Weekly Too. Up And Down Hills In Search Of Morel Mushrooms Is A Ritual With Me In Springtime.
I Know One Thing For Sure. I Must Lose Weight. Each Year As I Get Older I Find It Harder To Lose Weight. I Look At It This Way. I Am Most Active During These Months That I Will Be Dieting. I Have A Better Chance Of Losing The Most Weight During These Months.
Let's Hope I Have Nothing But Good News To Report By Halloween.

Ticker Checker

After Illinois Played Into Double Overtime And About To Begin The Third Overtime Period I Thought I Should Give My Dad A Quick Call To See If It Was Too Much For His Ticker.
After Realizing Why I Had Called, It Gave Him A Chuckle. I Would Hate To See March Madness Complicate His Heart Condition. Now He Won't Be Taking Things So Personal After Today. Illinois Lost Their Game In Triple Overtime. Now He Can Calmly Sit Back And Watch Which University Wins It Overall.
It Does Make Me Wonder Whether His Doctor Knows He Is A Basketball Fan. Hmm, Makes You Wonder.....

Kiss Me....

Chookie is 77years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see any one.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.
Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your woman!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'


With age comes wisdom.

Yes, That's Right! I Have Always Been Believer That Laughter Is Good For Your Health.
I Hope Some Of My Jokes Don't Offend Anyone Because That Is Not My Intent. I Want You To Enjoy The Jokes I Post. Ofcourse You Will Continue To Read My Thoughts From Time To Time. In The Meantime I hope You Enjoy And Laugh Away!

GOD LOVES DRUNK PEOPLE TOO

A man and his wife were awoken at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up
and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife..

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?

I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

Snoring

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.

The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

"Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep.

Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly.


The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet,
he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused and as he walks back into the bedroom he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.

He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were, or what we did, but, by God, we took first and second place!"

Have A Heart Of Gold

What Went Through The Minds Of These Trained Surgeons After They Saw This Man With The Heart Of Gold? We See One Another In Our Earthly Bodies. Only Our Doctors Have Seen What We Are Truly Made Of.
The Man With The Heart Of Gold Received A Defibrillator Today. This Man I Speak Of Is My Father. My Father Has Had Heart Related Problems For A Number Of Years Now. He Has Always Tried To Live A Healthy Life. He Never Deserved A Seconds Loss Of Time.
My Father Is A Giving Person. He Is The Most Generous Person I Have Ever Met. I Have Tried To Learn By His Method Of Giving.
I Truly Hope And Pray This Procedure My Father Had Today Adds Many Years To His Life. I Can't Imagine Life Without Him.
I Thank God Every Day That I Have Him In My Life.
Harvey Miller, The Man With The Heart Of Gold.

Never Fear Public Speaking Again!

After Attending This Years Bowling Hall Of Fame Awards Night I Returned Home With A Humbling Experience. With Each Inductee Came A Short Biography Of Their Years On The Bowling Alley. Reading Their Achievements Throughout The Years While Family Is Present And Listening. Most Were Rather Shy In Response But Did Acknowledge And Were Humbled By Their Selection.
This Rather Slim Older Looking Gentleman Slowly Approached The Podium. Expecting About As Much The Same As Those Who Spoke Before Him. For Those In The Audience Who Knew Him Expected What Was Forthcoming. As He Stood There Desperately Trying To Get That First Syllable Out He Awkwardly Tried To Give His Acceptance Speech. I Found Myself Silently Trying To Help This Poor Soul Through This Ordeal. With Each Word Spoken It Came More Clear To Me After All These Years And My Fear Of Speaking To Large Audiences, I Had Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself.(Familiar Words, eh?)
If That Man Had The Courage To Get Up In Front Of That Large Crowd With His Speech Impediment I Knew My Worries Were Behind Me Forever.
I Don't Think That Man Has Any Idea Of The Impact His Speech Had On People That Saturday Night. I Have Wondered How Many Times That Man Wanted To Back Out Of Attending This Event That Night.
Not Only Did This Man Have A Wonderful Bowling Career, He Had To Be One Of The Most Courageous People I Have Met In My Life.
Never Again Will I Shy Away From Public Speaking. If I Do, I Will Think Of This Great Man Who Showed Me Courage.