Not A Good Day

When You Think Your Days Are Getting More Tolerable You Get A Reminder Of All The Horror Of Months Past. Days Are Suppose To Get Better As Time Marches On. Wrong!
Today I Am Searching The Internet For Memory Poems, So I Can Submit One For Bobby In The Commercial News For Memorial Day. Today Billie Seen Me Cry For The First Time In Months. I Have Tried To Be Her Rock. Even Though I Found It Comforting, She Was There For Me. I Worry About My Mental Health.
Recently I Have Very Little Desire Or Motivation For Anything. This Is Not Normal For Me Because I Consider Myself To Be Committed In What I Do With The Foundation.
Tomorrow Awaits My Signature For The Final Stage On Bobby's Headstone. We Were Hoping The Stone Would Be Placed Before Memorial Day. Due To Delays Beyond Our Control It Won't Happen. That's A Disappointment, But On The Other Hand It's Important We Get It Right. We Tried To Involve Everyone In This Project That Loved Bobby. When The Stone Is Complete It Will Be A Wonderful Memorial For Him. It Seems All These Different Stages Takes A Toll On The Nerves. It Came On Me All Of A Sudden Without Warning. This Time I Had To Lean On Billie. I Suppose That's A Good Thing. Maybe She Thought Either She Was Still Too Fragile And I Too Cold Hearted. Maybe It Is A Good Thing For Both Of Us To Be There For Each Other. Now That She Has Seen Me Just As Fragile As Her, We Both Know We Still Have Alot Of Healing Left In Us. Maybe Her Seeing Me Having My Moment Of Weakness Will Allow Us To Lean More On One Another From Here On Out. I Think That Is A Good Thing.
I Think Trying To Choose The Perfect Poem And Seeing The Draft For The Headstone Was Rather Overwhelming For Me Today. It Stirred Up Alot Of Emotion For Me. One Moment I Think I Am Getting Stronger, Then Before You Know It My Weakness Becomes Obvious.
Well I Must Remind Myself Of What I Said Shortly After We Heard Of Bobby's Death. We Can Only Take One Day At A Time. Every Day Is Different.
I Mentioned Stages. I Still Hurt Deeply. I Have Entered Into Anger. I Am Mad At Bobby For What He Did. I'm Mad I Lost My Wonderful Son. I Am Mad It Has Changed My Life Forever More. I'm Sure I Will Vent More When I Get Angrier. In The Meantime I Consider Myself To Be Normal In The Grieving Process.
Oh, One Word Of Advice From Somebody Who Knows. If You Love Some One Enough, Keep Checking Up On Them Periodically. People Pay Their Respects To The Grieving Family. There Are Hardly Any Follow Up To See How They Are Coping. It's Not Easy Losing A Son. I Thought He Would Be Around To Mourn My Death.
You Know, Sometimes I Feel Life Is A Bitch. Then You Die. I know, It's The Depression Talking. I Could Say Worse Things, But If I Did I Would Lose Some Faithful Readers. I Will Save Those Worse Comments And Use Them To A Person Who Truly Understands.
So It Didn't Rain Friday. The Weatherman Convinced Me We Would Have Afternoon Thunderstorms. It Takes Me 2 Hours To Set Up And 2 1/2 Hours To Close Under Dry Conditions. I'm A Rummage Man. It's Not My Job To Know When Or Where It Will Rain. I Don't Get Paid 60,000.00 A Year To Tell You It Rained Yesterday. Must Be Nice.
Of Course The Photo Above Is Not The Headstone. Once It's Complete I Will Post It. It Will Be Beautiful!

Blood Thicker Than Water?

Have You Ever Wondered Where Some Of These Saying Came About? I Guess The Origin Really Doesn't Matter. Of Course I Don't Always Agree With These Old Sayings But I Do Find Humor In Some Of Them.
Today Being Mothers Day, This Photo I Selected Because My Mother And Sister Is The Reason I Celebrate This Day.
Brenda Was Born On This Date In 1959. Her Birthday And Wedding Anniversary Always Celebrated On The 8Th Of May. She Always Considered It A Bonus When All Three Landed On The Same Date.
Even Though My Mother Never Actually Gave Birth To Brenda She Became One Of The Miller Clan Anyway. Even Though Miller Blood Never Ran Through Her Veins She Was A Miller Just The Same. Our Family Is Blended Within It's Branches. Not Only With Brenda But Other Members As Well. I Have Always Been An Advocate Of Not Associating Foster, Step Or Half Relatives. Once You Begin Titling Names You Begin Separating Yourself And Establishing A Distance. I Dropped Foster Many Years Ago When It Came To My Sister Brenda. Not Only Did She Need An Established Family, I Needed Her As A Sister.
To My Niece Amanda. I Understand Your Tears Today. You Have Every Right To Shed Them. This Day In Remembrance Of Her Life, And We Shall Also Celebrate It. A Day We Can Reflect And Cherish The Memories We Have Of Her. Sadness We Share Because We All Miss Her Presence In Our Life. Left Is A Huge Void That Can Never Be Filled. This Void Will Always Be A Reminder Of The Times We Shared.
To My Mother. Happy Mothers Day. I Salute Your Service As A Mother Of So Many. Being A Foster Parent Gave You The Opportunity Of Being Called Mom As Well As Grandma To The Ones Who Were Not Actually Blood Related.
For Some, Blood Is Thicker Than Water. For Us, Just Another Notch On The Trunk Of The Family Tree.
Happy Mothers Day To You And Everyone Else.

There Are Times When You Need To Get People's Attention. This Blog May Raise An Eyebrow. My Reason For Writing This Blog Is To Draw Attention To An Issue Some Would Rather Ignore. Choosing To Ignore Could Be Your Way Of Trying To Forget. So, Have You Forgotten? Of Course You Haven't And You Won't. In Years Past I Have Had Loved Ones Molested By Someone They Trusted. I Guess This Would Have To Be The Most Despicable Crimes Against Children. A Person Of Trust Like A Teacher, Neighbor, A Relative, Can Be The Most Devastating, Simply Because Trust Had Been Compromised.
If This Topic Sickens You, Then I Consider You To Be A Normal Loving Person. I Write This Blog Primarily To Invite Awareness And Assure Those Who Have Been Molested In Their Lifetime, Not To Be Afraid To Talk About It. You Have Nothing To Be Ashamed Of.
I Have Never Shared Before, To Anyone Of "Incidents" Within My Childhood.
Sicko's Who Like Little Boys And Take Advantage Of Their Innocence. Why Didn't I Speak Up? It's Not As If I Enjoyed What Was Being Done To Me. Why Would I Want To Protect Such A Monster? I Can Remember Being Embarrassed. Why Is That? I Was Just Being A Little Boy Growing Up In A Safe Family In A Safe Neighborhood. Now How Many Of You Believe There Is Such A Thing? Safe Family. That Seems To Be A Good Starting Point. Was It A Funny Uncle? Was It A Stepfather? Why Do We Protect These Fruit Loops?
I Am 56 Years Old. Why Have I Been Holding This Information Inside My Head All Of My Adult Years? I Recently Have Been Thinking Of Incidents Of Child Molestation That Occurred Many Years Ago. Even Though Years Have Passed, The Scar Will Be Left For A Lifetime. I Think People Suspect Others Who Molest But Are Afraid To Speak Up. I Believe They Want To, But Don't Have The Proof. Especially For Children, They Really Don't Understand What Is Happening To Them.
We Must Make It Our Business To Report Incidents Of Sexual Abuse. No More Compassion For Those Who Abuse Our Children. If It Reveals A Dark Family Secret, Then So Be It. It's Our Responsibility To Protect Our Children From These Monsters.
This Blog Has Nothing To Do About Me. I'm Bringing This To The Front Burner For All To Acknowledge This Is Not A Perfect Society. We Must As A Society Weed Out The Undesirable. Take Off The Kid Gloves And Get Serious About What Is Right And Wrong.
SOC It To The Wrong. (Save Our Children)

David Wilkerson

Wednesday, April 27, 2011
WHEN ALL MEANS FAIL

To believe when all means fail is exceedingly pleasing to God and is most acceptable. Jesus said to Thomas, “You have believed because you have seen, but blessed are those that do believe and have not seen” (John 20:29).

Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer—who trust beyond hope when all means have failed.

Someone has come to the place of hopelessness—the end of hope—the end of all means. A loved one is facing death and doctors give no hope. Death seems inevitable. Hope is gone. The miracle prayed for is not happening.

That is when Satan’s hordes come to attack your mind with fear, anger, overwhelming questions: “Where is your God now? You prayed until you had no tears left. You fasted. You stood on promises. You trusted.”

Blasphemous thoughts will be injected into your mind: “Prayer failed. Faith failed. Don’t quit on God—just do not trust him anymore. It doesn’t pay!”

Even questioning God’s existence will be injected into your mind. These have been the devices of Satan for centuries. Some of the godliest men and women who ever lived were under such demonic attacks.

To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means fail—his love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word. There is no other hope in this world.

http://davidwilkersontoday.blogspot.com/

David Wilkerson-May 19, 1931 – April 27, 2011

What You Read Above Was David's Last Blog Entry. After Writing This Blog David Was Killed In A Car Crash.
I Lost Track Of The Work David Did For The Lord. I Knew Him As The Author Of The Cross And The Switchblade. He Preached The Word Of God On The Streets Of New York. He Ministered To Drug Addicts And Gang Members. A Powerful Man Of God That Changed Lives On The Streets. Feel Free To Google Him. Too Much Information To Write In This Blog. He Has His Rightful Place In Heaven. He Has Earned It. Let His Family And Friends Rejoice Because He Has Earned His Reward.

It Sucks To Be Sick

This Title Seems Rather Familiar, Does It Not? It Does Suck To Be Sick! I Have Been In Bed Since Late Monday Night With A Terrible Cold. I Pretty Much Figured Where I Got That Nasty Germ.
Would It Surprise You If I Told You The Grocery Store? You Got It! The Carts! Those Nasty Handles Are Touched By Heavens Know What. I Have This Pump Instant Hand Sanitizer Sitting In Front Of Me. It's Too Big For Me To Carry In My Pocket. I Would Hope The Pharmacy Has A Smaller Version Of This For Men.
I Would Not Say I Have An Obsession With Washing My Hands But It's Something That Will Be A Part Of My Life From Now On.
This Sickness Could Have Been Avoided Had I Washed Or Sanitized My Hands At The Grocery Store.
I Guess As Far As Time Goes, If There Is A Time For Me To Get Sick Let It Be Now. I Will Most Likely Be Very Busy Every Day Throughout The Rest Of My Season. I Most Definitely Don't Want To Be Sick While My Phone Is Ringing Off The Hook.

There Are Times When A Person Has To Do What They Have To Do. I Am Referring To My Blog. I Always Try To Keep It Upbeat And Positive On The Most Part. I Would Say If You Want To Go Back And Search Through My Blogs You Will Find 99.7% Of Them In Good Taste.
You Just Never Know What You Will Read On My Blog Site. I Never Know What I Will Write Until I Decide To Write It.
First Off I Want To Set The Record Straight. If You Are Not Into Reading Blogs I Suggest You Take My Blog Off Your Bookmarks. My Reason For Saying This Is Because I Will Be The One Who Decides What I Will Write About.
A Couple Months Ago Somebody Made A Comment To Me About My Blogs. It Was A Critical Remark That I Did Not Take So Kindly. So Yes, I Guess I Do Take My Blogs Seriously. I Have Enjoyed Writing About Various Things That Have Taken Place In My Life. For The Most Part You Will Most Likely Read Something Of Interest.
I Cannot For The Life Of Me Understand Why A Person Would Be So Critical Of Someone Else's Work. To Me Writing A Blog Is Like Painting A Portrait. You Can Pour Your Heart And Soul Into Your Work. I Feel No Differently About My Blogs.
My Previous Blog Was Written Exclusively To Make A Point. Every Once In Awhile Shit Happens.
I'm Not Going To Promise Anything To Anyone When It Comes To What I Write About.
So In Short, If You Don't Like What You Read, Move On. I Hope That's Not Too Much Of A Challenge For You. There Are Literally Thousands Of Blogs To Read On The Internet. You May Find One To Your Liking.
Have A Blessed Day...........

Don't Bury Your Head In The Sand

Once You Think You Have Heard It All Or Seen It All, Think Again. I Just Celebrated My 56th Birthday This Past Week. There Is No Room In My Life For Drama. I Hate Drama. In Spite Of It All There Are People Who Thrive On Drama. Why?
There Are People Who Have Nothing Better To Do With Their Lives Than To Create Havic For Other's Around Them. I Never Did Understand This, Yet Again I Probably Never Will. I Don't Need The Stress In My Life. I Have Seen What Stress Can Do To A Person.
A Day Full Of He Said She Said Kind Of Stuff Is Childish Even When Grown Up's Are Behind It All.
There Comes A Time In Life When You Must Eliminate People Who Are Pushing The Drama. It Won't Be Easy, But It Never Is. Especially When It's A Person You Have Loved A Lifetime. You Can Lead A Horse To Water But You Can't Make It Drink.
Let's Face It Folks, It's A Cruel World We Live In. Not Everything Will Be Happily Ever After.
Evil People Show Their Evil Ways. Before You Know It You Must Confront It. Hiding From It Or Pretending It Will Go Away Is Not The Solution.
Sometimes Life Can Get Complicated. The People You Think You Can Count On Can Easily Disappoint You.
I Never Could Understand How A Person Could Blatantly Lie About Someone. First You Must Consider The Source. You Then Try To Make Sense Of It All. As Complicated As It Seems To Be, It Makes You Wonder Why People Say Hurtful Things.
In A Nutshell I Call It Character Assassination. When You Say Things You Know Are Not The Truth, There Is No Other Term For It. It's A Sad Reality That Such People Exist In This World. It's Even Worse When It's Someone You Loved And Trusted.
I Was Raised To Be Truthful And Honest. I'm Not Saying I Am A Perfect Person. I Will Tell You I Have Never Ever Told A Lie About Another Person. I'm Not Saying I Have Never Told A Lie. There Is A Difference.
I Have Nothing To Gain By Lying About Someone's Character. Sometimes That's All We Have In Life. When People Begin To Tear Down What Character You Do Have, It Makes You Question The Motive. Once The Motive Has Been Established Everything Else Seems To Fall Into Place And Becomes Clear.
I Try To Always Mind My Own Business. Life Seems Simpler That Way. The Way I Have Always Seen It Is If You Cannot Get Along With Someone, Leave Them Alone. Stay Away From Them.
All I Ask For Is A Drama Free Life. I Don't Think That's Asking Too Much.
For Those Who Know Me Best Know Better Than To Ask Me Who Pissed In My Cornflakes. If I Wanted You To Know I Would Tell You. Sometimes You Just Have To Write It Down For Some People To Understand It. Then Yet Again Some People Never See Themselves.

Today Is My Birthday......

I Was Rather Hesitant In Deciding Whether Or Not I Wanted To Celebrate My Birthday This Year. My Reasoning Is Simple. I Am In Depression. I See No Use In Contacting A Doctor. I Am Not A Big Fan Of Self Diagnosing, But I Have Been Down This Road Before.
I Guess The Question Is, What Do I Do About It? First Off Let's Clear The Air In What I Feel I Have. Depression. A State Of Mind. Sadness. Feeling Of Great Loss. These Are Not The Definitions From Webster. These Are My Definitions Of How I Felt Since My Son Passed Away. I Know I Have Been Depressed. I Can't Sleep Well At Night. I Cry Every Day. I Ache For My Son. The Emptiness I Feel Is Beyond Words.
So Today Is My Birthday. I Woke Up To Many, Many Birthday Wishes From Friends And Relatives On Facebook. Our Good Friends From Georgietown Took Me Out Last Night To Eat And We Had Good Fellowship Afterwards By Playing Euchre. My Son Mike Stopped In And Spent The Evening With Us And Gave Him Some Euchre Lessons.
Today Someone Gave Me A Couple Pounds Of Gray Mushrooms. I Mowed Grass For The First Time This Year. In Many Years Past I Have Mowed Long Before My Birthday. The Lilacs Are In Bloom Meaning Yellow Sponge Mushrooms Are Popping Up. As For Me, I'm Not Hunting This Year. As I Stated In An Earlier Blog I Have No Interest In Hunting, Because Bobby Went With Me Every Year And Had For The Past 25 Years. I Have Checked His Favorite Elm Tree Twice So Far With No Luck Just Yet. I Am Still Confident I Will See A Yield Near That Tree Because Bobby Was Never Disappointed In The Past Few Years. It's Not Really Easy To Get To, But Determination Will Continue To Drive Me.
My Parents Took Me Out To A Chinese Buffet. It's Always Good To Share That Memory For Tomorrow. I Won't Have My Parents Around Forever So The Moments We Do Share Are Memorable. I Finished My Mowing, Then Painted My Garage To Rid It Of The Graffiti.
Back To The Depression. It's Not A Depression Where I Will Allow It To Consume Me. Yet My Ambition Has Declined. I Have Very Little Desire To Get Anything Accomplished. Throughout The Warmer Months It Has Always Been Difficult To Get Me To Slow Down. My Family And Friends Keep Me Going. Without Them I Have No Idea What My State Of Mind Would Be. There Is Just So Much They Can Do Though. They Are There If I Need Them, And I Know This. However None Of Them Can Do Anything About This Depression I Suffer.
Hey For Those Who Know Me Best, Know I Am Not Into Pity Parties. My Reasons For Sharing All This Is Because There May Be Someone Else Who Is Struggling With Depression. All I Ask Is They Recognize It As A Common Disorder That Is Treatable. Many People Suffer From Depression. It's Nothing To Be Ashamed Of.
If You Are Reading This Blog And You Feel You Suffer From Depression, I Ask, No, I Plead To You Not To Ignore It. Try To Stay In Contact With Family Or Friends. Please Don't Dismiss It As Something That Will Heal Itself. It May. I Have Heard Time Is Good Medicine. Of Course There Will Be Times When You Really Don't Want To Be Around Others. That's Perfectly Normal.
Today I Turned 56. Last Year My Son Was Here To Celebrate My 55Th. This Brings Me Sadness Today Just To Remember It.
Yet Again, If I Wasn't Born 56 Years Ago I Would Have Never Gotten To Know My Son For His 29 Years. Not Everything Good In Life Last A Lifetime. For An Unlimited Time, Love Those Who Matters Most.
I'll Be Ok. My Writing Helps Me And Gives Me Peace. I Can Write Down My Thoughts And See Myself Through My Words.
I Love To Write. I Love To Read. Combine The Two And Just Maybe I Can Get My Life Back In Some Kind Of Order. It Will Never Be The Way It Use To Be. All I Can Do Is Keep Being The Person That I Am. Why Would I Want To Be A Person That I Am Not?